A dear friend of mine passed away two months ago, and it's been so hard dealing with it in so many ways. First there's been the actual grieving about losing someone close to you that's so young, and then there's been all the things you realize after something like this happens.
When I was younger, I always feared death of my loved ones and I've always been willing to give up my own life for someone I love. Not as a matter of speech, but as an actual act. At first I thought it was a selfless act of love, but with time I realized it was just easier dying oneself than dealing with the loss of someone you love very much.
Now that I'm a mother, things have changed so much... Of course I'd be willing to die for my son, no questions asked, but the idea of me dying now doesn't feel so easy. When I'm gone, what about him? Will he grow to be a great person, will he learn everything I want to teach him? Will he get all the love I give him every day? How can you stand the fact of knowing that if you diye, you'll never get to see him grow, do stuff in school or even get married when he grows older? How can you stand the fact of knowing that if you die today, you'll be nothing more than a lost memory in your kid's head?
When you become a parent, life gets so much harder everyday... All the decisions you make everyday affect your little ones up to the bones, and sometime we don't even realize that.
My friend's death also made me think about friends. You know you love your friends, in fact you know WHO the friends you love ARE, but how about telling someone every now and then how important they are? Now that she passed away, every sort of beautiful things have been said about her, and I've come to realize that she may not have known all that. Maybe if she knew just how loved she was and what people felt and thought about her, she could have been, I don't know... 10% happier in life?
I mean, it's nice knowing people love you for who you are, but we're not used to hearing it a lot. Then again, maybe if people were always telling us just how wonderful we are, it would become meaningless... It would be extremely corny too. I'm not the kind of person that calls you and tells you I love you. I'm not like that. I only tell I love them to my son, husband and dogs; but I never call a friend and tell them they're special. It feels so... I don't know. It's just not me.
So all these thoughts have left me in a place where I wander through my brain every night, first thinking of the worst in life, then feeling so vulnerable and finally feeling so blessed for everything in my life. I've always lived my life the best I can, and I always try to be happy every moment, but I must say that losing someone close to me so young, has made me change the way I feel about life in many ways.
I believe in destiny, and I think that when your time comes, there's nothing you can do to cheat death, I just don't want my time to come until I get to see my kids have their kids and eventually be grandparents themselves.
I miss you my dear friend... This still feels like a bad dream, but in my heart I know this is life and all we have left from this terrible tragedy are good memories and the ability to learn.
Just be happy. Always. Support your friends and family and specially your kids in every aspect of their lives, and never, ever take for granted the people you love.
Jun 28, 2012
Feb 20, 2012
second child?
Ever since I gave birth to my son I've been thinking about the second child... I've always known I'm gonna have another child and give my son a sibling, but it's a hard to decision to make.
At least for me.
First there's the pregnancy issue... I know there are millions of moms out there that say it's the most wonderful experience a woman can have, but I'm definetly not onw of them.
For me, pregnancy was about gaining 50 pounds, nausea, back pain, bad sleep, being tired... Anything but a wonderful experience. Of course I'm aware that 90% of those problems were my fault... And probably all of them came from my disability to stop eating, or at least eat healthy. Without the unnecessary weight gain I wouldn't have had back pain and bad sleep. And I wouldn't have looked like tweedle dee and tweedle dum... Which took my self esteem to below the ground and made me feel miserable every once in a while (and me eat more, because you know, what the hell, I already look like a ball).
Second there was the nursing issue. I loved nursing my son, I did for 9 months which I thought was perfect, not too little, not too much. Just right.
The thing about nursing is, that's your finally able to go out and do something, but every 2 hours you either have to pump or breastfeed, otherwise you'll burst through your ears. At least I did. So I must admit that after 6 months or so I was done with the nursing thing, but since I said I was gonna do it for 9 months, well, I did it. (I won't deny the amazing experience this is, because I did love it, having this tiny person look you in the eyes and hold your hand ♥)
Then there's the OMG I'm bringing another child to this crappy world thing. I'm not worrying too much about this issue right now because I'm sure that at our home the world is not crappy, so I'll start worrying about that later in life.
So after 2 years of planning and thinking, we've finally decided to get pregnant again, and now I'm starting to get all anxious about other stuff that I didn't thought about before...
You see... One of the things I hate about myself is that I'm too square minded in some things. If already say I'm gonna do something some way, I can't do it another way. I just can't.
Like, if we plan we're going to the zoo x day, on that day you can't change my plans... I'll be going to bed all week knowing that x day is the day we go to the zoo.
Same crazy thing with music for example... I hate skipping songs in the car, because then I feel like I've heard some songs more that he others, and that pisses me off!
I know you'll think that's stupid, and I totally get it, I think that too, but I can't help it.
So going back to the having another child thing, I worry a lot about doing things different with a second pregnancy/birth/child. I'm wondering now if I should have a c-section or give natural birth? My first son was planned as a water birth, but for some unknown reason in life, I ended up having one hell of a labor and a c-section.
So my first choice is to have a c-section, but that seems silly to me... Why submit to surgery when I could have a water birth? But then I think that's not fair with my first child, because that was supposed to be HIS birth. And then I think I'm just crazy and wonder if I even should try to get pregnant again and become a crazy mother again.
Then I think about it... My first child is wonderful. And I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother. He is truly an amazing and wonderful person. What if the second child comes out all crazy and mean?? What if he has trouble sleeping? Or is a picky eater? Or bites and hits?? What if what if what if??
Then I stop again and think that my first son is so wonderful because me and my husband have taught him to be that way, and any other child we have will probably be the same way because he will be raised with the same love and understanding as the fisrt one.
So this are the issues on my mind these days that we've finally decided to get pregnant again...
I just hope I can keep my mouth shut and avoid looking like tweedle dee and tweedle dum again.
At least for me.
First there's the pregnancy issue... I know there are millions of moms out there that say it's the most wonderful experience a woman can have, but I'm definetly not onw of them.
For me, pregnancy was about gaining 50 pounds, nausea, back pain, bad sleep, being tired... Anything but a wonderful experience. Of course I'm aware that 90% of those problems were my fault... And probably all of them came from my disability to stop eating, or at least eat healthy. Without the unnecessary weight gain I wouldn't have had back pain and bad sleep. And I wouldn't have looked like tweedle dee and tweedle dum... Which took my self esteem to below the ground and made me feel miserable every once in a while (and me eat more, because you know, what the hell, I already look like a ball).
Second there was the nursing issue. I loved nursing my son, I did for 9 months which I thought was perfect, not too little, not too much. Just right.
The thing about nursing is, that's your finally able to go out and do something, but every 2 hours you either have to pump or breastfeed, otherwise you'll burst through your ears. At least I did. So I must admit that after 6 months or so I was done with the nursing thing, but since I said I was gonna do it for 9 months, well, I did it. (I won't deny the amazing experience this is, because I did love it, having this tiny person look you in the eyes and hold your hand ♥)
Then there's the OMG I'm bringing another child to this crappy world thing. I'm not worrying too much about this issue right now because I'm sure that at our home the world is not crappy, so I'll start worrying about that later in life.
So after 2 years of planning and thinking, we've finally decided to get pregnant again, and now I'm starting to get all anxious about other stuff that I didn't thought about before...
You see... One of the things I hate about myself is that I'm too square minded in some things. If already say I'm gonna do something some way, I can't do it another way. I just can't.
Like, if we plan we're going to the zoo x day, on that day you can't change my plans... I'll be going to bed all week knowing that x day is the day we go to the zoo.
Same crazy thing with music for example... I hate skipping songs in the car, because then I feel like I've heard some songs more that he others, and that pisses me off!
I know you'll think that's stupid, and I totally get it, I think that too, but I can't help it.
So going back to the having another child thing, I worry a lot about doing things different with a second pregnancy/birth/child. I'm wondering now if I should have a c-section or give natural birth? My first son was planned as a water birth, but for some unknown reason in life, I ended up having one hell of a labor and a c-section.
So my first choice is to have a c-section, but that seems silly to me... Why submit to surgery when I could have a water birth? But then I think that's not fair with my first child, because that was supposed to be HIS birth. And then I think I'm just crazy and wonder if I even should try to get pregnant again and become a crazy mother again.
Then I think about it... My first child is wonderful. And I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother. He is truly an amazing and wonderful person. What if the second child comes out all crazy and mean?? What if he has trouble sleeping? Or is a picky eater? Or bites and hits?? What if what if what if??
Then I stop again and think that my first son is so wonderful because me and my husband have taught him to be that way, and any other child we have will probably be the same way because he will be raised with the same love and understanding as the fisrt one.
So this are the issues on my mind these days that we've finally decided to get pregnant again...
I just hope I can keep my mouth shut and avoid looking like tweedle dee and tweedle dum again.
 |
| this is me 6 months pregnant |
Jul 7, 2011
Toddler trainspotting
Last Friday my son decided to throw his binky to the garbage. It seemed like a big step for him since he's kind of addicted to it.
Or so I thought.
Turned out, he wasn't kind of addicted. He was a total junkie. If you ever saw trainspotting, this was like a lighter, cute but frightening version!
After I'd been talking with him at the office how big boys don't use binkies anymore, and how it would be a big step to get rid of it, when we came home for lunch, he went to his room, opened the trash can and threw it in there.
Waved good bye.
Closed the trash can.
That was it!
That was soooo easy!! Unbelievable.
Then came the afternoon nap. He couldn't sleep. He was tossing and turning in bed, sweating, angry, crying... He finally fell asleep. Then he woke up after only 20 minutes.
His face was transformed!! His hair had a new sweaty, glued to one side style. His eyes where red, his usual smile, gone.
Binky, he said.
You threw it in the garbage honey, I said.
More crying.
Binky mom!
We don't have it anymore honey...
More crying.
Then we went to the grocery store, ran some errands, came back home. Every half and hour he asked me over and over again.
Binky??
Nope. We don't have it anymore, honey.
After this dreadful afternoon, the most feared moment arrived: bedtime.
In bed, once more he asked me for his binky.
As we've been watching a lot of Toy Story 3 lately, he's very well informed how the garbage process works. How the garbage truck comes and picks everything and then dumps it in a horrible place. (unless you have some alien toys that can save your stuff)
So I explained it to him...
Remember how you threw your binky this morning in the trash can? Well, it's gone honey.
Open the trash can, he suggested.
So I did.
The garbage is not here anymore honey, the garbage truck already took it.
That's when the real pain started... His crying face turned to panic. That was the moment when he realized what he had done!!
He then knew the binky was NOT coming back!
He kissed me goodbye in tears and fell asleep an hour later. He woke up at least 10 times during the night.
Every hour or so you could hear him mumbling... Binky, binky... Truck... Binky... Truck!
Poor thing!
The top point was when I was asleep, and my husband heard him calling for Toodles. You know, Toodles from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? That little character that brings you Mousekatools.
And then, at 2am, he stopped crying and slept like a baby (like a baby with his binky at least).
Saturday morning, I woke up only to find him with ANOTHER binky in his mouth!!
Where did you get that??? I asked him.
He smiled, and triumphantly answered: POCKET.
He is a smart kid. LIke any junkie, he had his secret stash well hidden somewhere in his crib. And I guess that around 2 am, he found it.
Maybe Toodles brought it. Who knows.
All I know is that we made a deal that he can only use the binky to sleep, in his crib. NO exceptions.
One week tomorrow, the toddler trainspotting experience seems far away. I wonder how hard will it be to make it disappear for good! But for now, we are all happy with the deal we have.
Or so I thought.
Turned out, he wasn't kind of addicted. He was a total junkie. If you ever saw trainspotting, this was like a lighter, cute but frightening version!
 |
| total binky junkie |
After I'd been talking with him at the office how big boys don't use binkies anymore, and how it would be a big step to get rid of it, when we came home for lunch, he went to his room, opened the trash can and threw it in there.
Waved good bye.
Closed the trash can.
That was it!
That was soooo easy!! Unbelievable.
Then came the afternoon nap. He couldn't sleep. He was tossing and turning in bed, sweating, angry, crying... He finally fell asleep. Then he woke up after only 20 minutes.
His face was transformed!! His hair had a new sweaty, glued to one side style. His eyes where red, his usual smile, gone.
Binky, he said.
You threw it in the garbage honey, I said.
More crying.
Binky mom!
We don't have it anymore honey...
More crying.
Then we went to the grocery store, ran some errands, came back home. Every half and hour he asked me over and over again.
Binky??
Nope. We don't have it anymore, honey.
After this dreadful afternoon, the most feared moment arrived: bedtime.
In bed, once more he asked me for his binky.
As we've been watching a lot of Toy Story 3 lately, he's very well informed how the garbage process works. How the garbage truck comes and picks everything and then dumps it in a horrible place. (unless you have some alien toys that can save your stuff)
 |
| at least the poor pacifier won't be alone... |
So I explained it to him...
Remember how you threw your binky this morning in the trash can? Well, it's gone honey.
Open the trash can, he suggested.
So I did.
The garbage is not here anymore honey, the garbage truck already took it.
That's when the real pain started... His crying face turned to panic. That was the moment when he realized what he had done!!
He then knew the binky was NOT coming back!
He kissed me goodbye in tears and fell asleep an hour later. He woke up at least 10 times during the night.
Every hour or so you could hear him mumbling... Binky, binky... Truck... Binky... Truck!
Poor thing!
The top point was when I was asleep, and my husband heard him calling for Toodles. You know, Toodles from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse? That little character that brings you Mousekatools.
 |
| Oh toodles!!! Bring me my binky please!!! |
And then, at 2am, he stopped crying and slept like a baby (like a baby with his binky at least).
Saturday morning, I woke up only to find him with ANOTHER binky in his mouth!!
Where did you get that??? I asked him.
He smiled, and triumphantly answered: POCKET.
He is a smart kid. LIke any junkie, he had his secret stash well hidden somewhere in his crib. And I guess that around 2 am, he found it.
Maybe Toodles brought it. Who knows.
All I know is that we made a deal that he can only use the binky to sleep, in his crib. NO exceptions.
One week tomorrow, the toddler trainspotting experience seems far away. I wonder how hard will it be to make it disappear for good! But for now, we are all happy with the deal we have.
Jun 16, 2011
Eccentric? Or just trying too hard?
I had lunch with my friends today, and we shared a lot of memories from high school and talked about school options for our own children.We talked about being a teen, about friends, about fitting in.
The timing couldn't be better to read what I just did. It's an article about creativity called "The unleashed mind: why creative people are eccentric".
I enjoyed it a lot.
I've always thought of myself as a person who's somewhat eccentric, but I must confess that describing oneself as anything, proves quite the opposite.
So I often limit the descriptions of myself to the physical part that are obvious to everyone (fat, pale, brown hair...). You'll never hear me saying "oh, I'm sooo smart" or "I'm so talented" (unless I've been drinking a few glasses of course, that changes the whole story. Then you'll hear me talking about anything else than me, me, ME, ME!).
But I do like to say every now and then that I think of myself as a creative person, because that's something true. I don't go around saying stuff like "you won't IMAGINE what I did with that necklace you gave me, I took all the beads out and sewed them in a tshirt, because I never use an object for it's original purpose..."
No. I don't say things like that. I hate people who do that. It seems so lame to me.
I like working on the creative area of things, and I enjoy when I come up with a solution for a problem that's been bothering me. So yes, I do think I'm creative.
But eccentric? No. I wouldn't go that far.
I have my moments, but most of the time I'm trying to be different. I hate looking like someone else. Since high school I've been trying to be different than most and look different from ALL.
When does trying to be different end and genuinly thinking different begins? According to this article, if I believe in fairies, elfs, unicorns, ghosts and life beyond death I have a Schizotypal personality.
So that makes you weird.
I don't think so, but I have talked about this stuff to people that looked at me as if I was serial killer telling about their next victim!
True story... I once told this woman that used to be my client, about an elf that lived in my house and hid stuff. I told her how I left him pork meat and a shot of whiskey at night and he once drank it. When I finished my story, she was looking at me like I was a crazy person. Really. She had this huge eyes and her mouth was wide open, and she just said "oh my, you are hillarious".
I wasn't kidding! I told her that, but she pretended to do something else and that was the end of it.
Does that mean I have a Schizotypal personality? Or does that mean that I HAD AN ELF LIVING IN MY HOUSE!!!
Anyway... Even though I've heard before about creativity being linked to eccentricity, it's nice knowing that those sudden urges I get now and then are linked to something more that crazyness!
(see, I'm saying that I'm crazy, because I don't actually think that I am.)
The timing couldn't be better to read what I just did. It's an article about creativity called "The unleashed mind: why creative people are eccentric".
I enjoyed it a lot.
I've always thought of myself as a person who's somewhat eccentric, but I must confess that describing oneself as anything, proves quite the opposite.
So I often limit the descriptions of myself to the physical part that are obvious to everyone (fat, pale, brown hair...). You'll never hear me saying "oh, I'm sooo smart" or "I'm so talented" (unless I've been drinking a few glasses of course, that changes the whole story. Then you'll hear me talking about anything else than me, me, ME, ME!).
But I do like to say every now and then that I think of myself as a creative person, because that's something true. I don't go around saying stuff like "you won't IMAGINE what I did with that necklace you gave me, I took all the beads out and sewed them in a tshirt, because I never use an object for it's original purpose..."
No. I don't say things like that. I hate people who do that. It seems so lame to me.
I like working on the creative area of things, and I enjoy when I come up with a solution for a problem that's been bothering me. So yes, I do think I'm creative.
But eccentric? No. I wouldn't go that far.
I have my moments, but most of the time I'm trying to be different. I hate looking like someone else. Since high school I've been trying to be different than most and look different from ALL.
When does trying to be different end and genuinly thinking different begins? According to this article, if I believe in fairies, elfs, unicorns, ghosts and life beyond death I have a Schizotypal personality.
So that makes you weird.
I don't think so, but I have talked about this stuff to people that looked at me as if I was serial killer telling about their next victim!
True story... I once told this woman that used to be my client, about an elf that lived in my house and hid stuff. I told her how I left him pork meat and a shot of whiskey at night and he once drank it. When I finished my story, she was looking at me like I was a crazy person. Really. She had this huge eyes and her mouth was wide open, and she just said "oh my, you are hillarious".
I wasn't kidding! I told her that, but she pretended to do something else and that was the end of it.
Does that mean I have a Schizotypal personality? Or does that mean that I HAD AN ELF LIVING IN MY HOUSE!!!
Anyway... Even though I've heard before about creativity being linked to eccentricity, it's nice knowing that those sudden urges I get now and then are linked to something more that crazyness!
(see, I'm saying that I'm crazy, because I don't actually think that I am.)
Jun 9, 2011
MOM - baby forever?
I was talking yesterday with my mom and a few friends, and my mom was saying how sad it is that babies grow so fast. Another friend agreed on this statement and said how you miss when they were huggable and kissable and couldn't do anything to stop you from doing it.
I've never felt this way, and I had to say it.
I love watching my son grow. I love each milestone that he reaches, and I truly enjoy being a part of this amazing process.
I can't believe that a year ago, he couldn't even walk, and now he's running all over the place yelling MOM!! LOOK!! at every little thing that he finds interesting (which is... um... everything!!)
My favorite milestone so far, is him saying I LOVE YOU. I find that priceless. And it's not like it makes me feel ultra special because he only says it to me. It's quite the opposite actually!!
He says I love you to every doll in his room, the dogs, me and my husband, his cousins, grandparents... But it's so delicious to watch him hug the dog, smooch him and say I LOVE YOU LOLA. He believes it when he says it. Or in the morning when he comes into my room, says hello, like a grown up would say hello, and then fall into my arms and looks me in the eye very seriuosly and say I LOVE YOU MOMMY.
Aaahh... The pleasure of knowing that you've raised a loving human being. Someone that appreciates everything that makes him feel loved, and knowing that he CAN demonstrate that love back.
That's what I like about that milestone. A 20 month old hugging his favorite bear when no one is watching and telling him that he loves him. There's nothing like it. Not even running!!
I have a son that enjoys everything to their very core.
Each bite of anything that he eats makes him smile and say mmmm sooo good!!
Every fruit or vegetable in the supermarket makes him bend and smell it and say mmmm sooo good!!
He even smells the dogs in the morning and says mmmm sooo good!!
I love him! And I love that he knows how to love. I believe that if you are capable of truly loving at least one living thing, you are blessed for the rest of your life!
I've never felt this way, and I had to say it.
I love watching my son grow. I love each milestone that he reaches, and I truly enjoy being a part of this amazing process.
I can't believe that a year ago, he couldn't even walk, and now he's running all over the place yelling MOM!! LOOK!! at every little thing that he finds interesting (which is... um... everything!!)
My favorite milestone so far, is him saying I LOVE YOU. I find that priceless. And it's not like it makes me feel ultra special because he only says it to me. It's quite the opposite actually!!
He says I love you to every doll in his room, the dogs, me and my husband, his cousins, grandparents... But it's so delicious to watch him hug the dog, smooch him and say I LOVE YOU LOLA. He believes it when he says it. Or in the morning when he comes into my room, says hello, like a grown up would say hello, and then fall into my arms and looks me in the eye very seriuosly and say I LOVE YOU MOMMY.
Aaahh... The pleasure of knowing that you've raised a loving human being. Someone that appreciates everything that makes him feel loved, and knowing that he CAN demonstrate that love back.
That's what I like about that milestone. A 20 month old hugging his favorite bear when no one is watching and telling him that he loves him. There's nothing like it. Not even running!!
I have a son that enjoys everything to their very core.
Each bite of anything that he eats makes him smile and say mmmm sooo good!!
Every fruit or vegetable in the supermarket makes him bend and smell it and say mmmm sooo good!!
He even smells the dogs in the morning and says mmmm sooo good!!
I love him! And I love that he knows how to love. I believe that if you are capable of truly loving at least one living thing, you are blessed for the rest of your life!
Jun 2, 2011
goop my blog up
I've come to realize that maybe being good at many things is not so good after all. I now know that my business doesn't do better. Instead of focusing on one main product, I keep developing new stuff every week. That might sound great, but truth be told, it's not so great for making money with a small business.
When I started my blog, I had exactly the same problem. At first I wanted a cooking blog, then I wanted
a fashion blog, I also thought about a mommy blog, and finally I colapsed and did absolutely nothing for months.
I eventually did a little mix of all of them, but I must confess that I'm still not completely full-filled with the result.
Then, two weeks ago, I found GOOP.
And I raged with envy. Goop is Gwyneth Paltrow's website/blog/whatever. And I love it. Not so much the content (I'm not a big fan, nor do I hate her like some people seem to do, but I couldn't care less really. Some stuff is good, some stuff is boring, like any other website), but the concept!
The concept is exactly what I wanted. You must visit it and see what I'm talking about! She writes about fashion, food, motherhood, travel and some other stuff.
I don't like copying anything, but when I grab an idea, I have to say it. So yes, I will try to make my blog like goop. I loved it. I'll try to make it a little cuter and have the categories and all.
You know when you make something but you don't feel like it's done DONE? Well, that's me right here right now... And it's gonna change in a few days :)
When I started my blog, I had exactly the same problem. At first I wanted a cooking blog, then I wanted
a fashion blog, I also thought about a mommy blog, and finally I colapsed and did absolutely nothing for months.
I eventually did a little mix of all of them, but I must confess that I'm still not completely full-filled with the result.
Then, two weeks ago, I found GOOP.
And I raged with envy. Goop is Gwyneth Paltrow's website/blog/whatever. And I love it. Not so much the content (I'm not a big fan, nor do I hate her like some people seem to do, but I couldn't care less really. Some stuff is good, some stuff is boring, like any other website), but the concept!
The concept is exactly what I wanted. You must visit it and see what I'm talking about! She writes about fashion, food, motherhood, travel and some other stuff.
I don't like copying anything, but when I grab an idea, I have to say it. So yes, I will try to make my blog like goop. I loved it. I'll try to make it a little cuter and have the categories and all.
You know when you make something but you don't feel like it's done DONE? Well, that's me right here right now... And it's gonna change in a few days :)
May 7, 2011
Good mom, good child?
This week has been very busy, and I have learned a few things the hard way.
I always feel confident enough about being a good mom, not only because some people say so, but because my son is a happy child. As I've said before, to me, happiness reflects quality living, so a happy child reflects good parenting.
Well, this week I was tested (maybe for mother's day?) to my very end. My poor son got sick, he had high fever and apparently he just didn't feel good.
So on Thursday afternoon, packed with work as I was, I had all day, this tiny person crying "mommy-mommy-mommy-mommy" in my ear.
As bad as I felt for him, it became really difficult to be comprehensive and loving. I'm sorry to say so, but it kinda gets in your nerves after 4 hours of crying.
Then it hit me.
Am I a good mother because my son is an angel? Or is my son an angel because I'm a good mother?
I was feeling terribly sad for all those moms with bad behaved kids... How can they deal with it?? My son never complains, he goes with me everywhere and he's always smiling and saying hi to everyone. Being charming and loving, you know, doing his thing.
Everyone looks at him and comments about how they've never seen a child so beautiful or so well behaved. It's like getting rewarded everytime we go out!
NOT HIS TIME. Omg... It was living hell. Everyone kept looking at us, and I knew I was holding the annoying child who won't stop crying. And worst of all, I knew that's not who he is.
So anyway... After juggling everything between work and the sick little one... I finished working at 2 am, completely tired and knowing I had to get up at 6am.
Long story short, karma is a bitch!!
Friday afternoon I started feeling terrible and by 7pm I was burning with fever, feeling like dirt and all I could think about was my poor son crying for help the day before. I really wanted a big, long hug from him on friday. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for him more, but he chose a busy day to get sick :(
So 2 days later, with both of us feeling better and having mother's day tomorrow, I can say again that I truly believe that my son is happy because I'm a good mother, not the other way around. I believe in what I'm doing, and I feel I'm doing it right. I just hope next time he gets so sick I have a bit more patience and less work to do.
I love being a mom and it feels my heart with joy. Every insignificant tiny little anything your child does, is a gratifying moment. I feel blessed for having all I have, and I truly cherish every second of my life. The good and the bad.
I'm just learning along the way!
I guess I can wish myself a happy mother's day, and to all those moms out there who love being moms, a happy mother's day to you too!!
I always feel confident enough about being a good mom, not only because some people say so, but because my son is a happy child. As I've said before, to me, happiness reflects quality living, so a happy child reflects good parenting.
Well, this week I was tested (maybe for mother's day?) to my very end. My poor son got sick, he had high fever and apparently he just didn't feel good.
So on Thursday afternoon, packed with work as I was, I had all day, this tiny person crying "mommy-mommy-mommy-mommy" in my ear.
As bad as I felt for him, it became really difficult to be comprehensive and loving. I'm sorry to say so, but it kinda gets in your nerves after 4 hours of crying.
Then it hit me.
Am I a good mother because my son is an angel? Or is my son an angel because I'm a good mother?
I was feeling terribly sad for all those moms with bad behaved kids... How can they deal with it?? My son never complains, he goes with me everywhere and he's always smiling and saying hi to everyone. Being charming and loving, you know, doing his thing.
Everyone looks at him and comments about how they've never seen a child so beautiful or so well behaved. It's like getting rewarded everytime we go out!
NOT HIS TIME. Omg... It was living hell. Everyone kept looking at us, and I knew I was holding the annoying child who won't stop crying. And worst of all, I knew that's not who he is.
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| I can't believe I actually found this clipart!! |
So anyway... After juggling everything between work and the sick little one... I finished working at 2 am, completely tired and knowing I had to get up at 6am.
Long story short, karma is a bitch!!
Friday afternoon I started feeling terrible and by 7pm I was burning with fever, feeling like dirt and all I could think about was my poor son crying for help the day before. I really wanted a big, long hug from him on friday. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for him more, but he chose a busy day to get sick :(
So 2 days later, with both of us feeling better and having mother's day tomorrow, I can say again that I truly believe that my son is happy because I'm a good mother, not the other way around. I believe in what I'm doing, and I feel I'm doing it right. I just hope next time he gets so sick I have a bit more patience and less work to do.
I love being a mom and it feels my heart with joy. Every insignificant tiny little anything your child does, is a gratifying moment. I feel blessed for having all I have, and I truly cherish every second of my life. The good and the bad.
I'm just learning along the way!
I guess I can wish myself a happy mother's day, and to all those moms out there who love being moms, a happy mother's day to you too!!
Mar 2, 2011
Why should you care what I share
Having a weird day is, well, weird. I really can't explain how is it that get into weird mode, but I suddenly start questioning everything I make and I start feeling very thankful for the things I have.
It's like depression disguised as weirdness. Really. I've been meaning to write an entry for quite a while, but every time I'm gonna sit and write, I get this question in my head.
So... Why am I writing this? Why should anyone care what I have to say?
We share stuff all the time these days. Facebook, twitter, instant messages. You don't even have to call anyone to tell them something. You can just make an anonymous statement in twitter and get it out of your system. Why complain with anyone about anything, when you can tweet some lines filled with rage (or love) and leave them floating on the internet.
As I said before, today I'm having a weird day, and I actually tweeted that a few minutes ago. And then I started looking up stuff on you tube and I had this sudden urge to share everything.
Why would you want anyone to know what you're listening, what your watching and ultimately what you feel?
Isn't kind of embarrassing letting people know that you should be at work WORKING and not looking up for stupid stuff on line?
I'm actually lucky to be my own boss and have my own schedule, but I still feel like a lazy person every time I share something on Facebook during office hours!
It's like depression disguised as weirdness. Really. I've been meaning to write an entry for quite a while, but every time I'm gonna sit and write, I get this question in my head.
So... Why am I writing this? Why should anyone care what I have to say?
We share stuff all the time these days. Facebook, twitter, instant messages. You don't even have to call anyone to tell them something. You can just make an anonymous statement in twitter and get it out of your system. Why complain with anyone about anything, when you can tweet some lines filled with rage (or love) and leave them floating on the internet.
As I said before, today I'm having a weird day, and I actually tweeted that a few minutes ago. And then I started looking up stuff on you tube and I had this sudden urge to share everything.
Why would you want anyone to know what you're listening, what your watching and ultimately what you feel?
Isn't kind of embarrassing letting people know that you should be at work WORKING and not looking up for stupid stuff on line?
I'm actually lucky to be my own boss and have my own schedule, but I still feel like a lazy person every time I share something on Facebook during office hours!
Jan 27, 2011
Things that freak me out
I've seen a lot of these lately
- People who have religious stuff on their car
- People who have excessive amount of religious stuff on their car.
- People who are always telling you "bless you"
- Extremely small people who are NOT little people
- Extremely tall people
- People with a torso so long, that it's the same length as their legs
- People with teeth so white they are blue
- Women with too much surgery
- Men with any kind of surgery you can tell
- Very ugly women with extremely good bodies
- Feet that are too small for a person's body
- Women with mustaches so big they could belong to a man
- Hiccups
- Abs so toned that they look like a piece of plastic
- Extremely nice people (I always think they are up to something)
Nov 22, 2010
Thank you!
Even if we don't celebrate thanksgiving over here, it's quite impossible not to get all soaked up in the mood with all the stuff on the web and twitter.
I've been having a rough week at work since (um... about 3 weeks ago), and today I nearly collapsed in the "why me???" mood. After counting to ten before smashing the phone on the wall because the bank left me on hold for nearly an hour... I took a BIG breath. I went to my son's room where he was playing/yelling/falling/crying/and playing a little more and sat with him to do the same.
I then realized how stupid we sometimes are. And by sometimes I mean 95% of the time. And by we I mean ME.
I truly have everything in life.
So I'm not a freaking millionaire.
Who cares!!!
I have it all, the great loving husband (with a rock band), the unpredictable amazing loving son I never even dreamed of, the 3 crazy disastrous loving dogs that would die for me (I'm pretty sure about that one, haven't asked them, but I'm sure), the dream job (even if it doesn't give me loads of money YET), great sense of humor and the ability of doing everything I want.
If things get complicated I'm always gonna be able of dodge them and jump back in the game. Good times will come and bad times will come too. I'll embrace them both. Enjoy the good ones and learn from the bad ones.
I couldn't be more thankful in life!! And just to prove it, I'm gonna bake some delicious chocolate cupcakes!
I've been having a rough week at work since (um... about 3 weeks ago), and today I nearly collapsed in the "why me???" mood. After counting to ten before smashing the phone on the wall because the bank left me on hold for nearly an hour... I took a BIG breath. I went to my son's room where he was playing/yelling/falling/crying/and playing a little more and sat with him to do the same.
I then realized how stupid we sometimes are. And by sometimes I mean 95% of the time. And by we I mean ME.
I truly have everything in life.
So I'm not a freaking millionaire.
Who cares!!!
I have it all, the great loving husband (with a rock band), the unpredictable amazing loving son I never even dreamed of, the 3 crazy disastrous loving dogs that would die for me (I'm pretty sure about that one, haven't asked them, but I'm sure), the dream job (even if it doesn't give me loads of money YET), great sense of humor and the ability of doing everything I want.
If things get complicated I'm always gonna be able of dodge them and jump back in the game. Good times will come and bad times will come too. I'll embrace them both. Enjoy the good ones and learn from the bad ones.
I couldn't be more thankful in life!! And just to prove it, I'm gonna bake some delicious chocolate cupcakes!
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